Comic Relief: Reading the Times of India

In the face of all that is grim and distressing, there’s always the relief of reading the TOI — affectionately referred to by its admirers as TOI-let paper or the Slimes of India. This hot Summer Sunday morning was brightened by an article, “The Benefits of Surya Namaskar.”

It starts off with a bang:

The simple Surya Namaskar that has been practiced in India for years has recently found a whole lot of takers.

Practiced for years? You don’t say! Wow!! And “a whole lot of takers?” As in a couple of hundred?

The idiots don’t understand the distinction between centuries and years. They may as well have written, “. . . has been practiced for hours and weeks . . .” Silly morons.

Then the article goes on to make claims it is a cure-all: it keeps you physically fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit; it stimulates the cardiovascular system, the digestive system, and the nervous system; it helps the “endocrinal glands like the thyroid, parathyroid and pituitary glands, function normally”; gives peace of mind and improves concentration.

OK, but I want to ask, does it also help you defy gravity?

The article certainly defied common sense. It ends with “If you have trouble sleeping at night, the Surya Namaskar will help you fall asleep without using any external stimulants.”

Oh now I get it. Like all normal people, I have been taking stimulants to help me go to sleep. I cannot do without a couple of double cappuccino espressos and a few cans of Jolt to quickly put me to sleep.

Thanks to Surya Namaskar, I can avoid the stimulants — because Surya Namaskar is the perfect substitute for stimulants and will gently ease me into sleep.

OK, enough of the silliness. The fact is that the paper is a rag. One commenter on that article notes the saving grace of that article: “At last one article in life and style that doesn’t stink of porn.”

No pr0n in the TOI? Someone at the editorial desk must have been sleeping on the job.

Author: Atanu Dey


17 thoughts on “Comic Relief: Reading the Times of India”

  1. Well, Antanu surya namsakar dose have many benifits. I suggest you try for sufficent time before making a judgement. Also is suggest try pranayam taught by swami ramdev and see benifits.


    1. Pushkar, I was not making any judgement on Surya Namaskar. As it happens, I am quite familiar with it and know many people who do it and Pranayam. I have the utmost respect for those. What I was pointing out was the totally asinine reporting of it. It makes Surya Namaskar sound like it were some snake-oil process. That’s all.

      (BTW, it is Atanu and not Antanu.)


  2. >>>”No pr0n in the TOI? Someone at the editorial desk must have been sleeping on the job.”

    Proves their claim, doesn’t it ?


  3. btw, they din’t call it ‘Sun Salutation’ like some of my co-workers. that just cracks me up.. 😀

    freaking toilet paper.. blah..


  4. the dumbing down of Indian masses begins with Bollywood porn (a national pastime) and then slimes porn…I recall my husband noticing how the Times of India is starting to resemble American tabloids…I guess the real news is too depressing for people to handle they fill up the paper with Bollywood gossip…


  5. The availability of internet through cheaper smartphones might have a ‘good’ effect on the circulation of all the “TOI”-let papers of India. Most people will not waste money on paper editions when they can get unbiased coverage and balanced editorials on the internet.

    Then the TOI-let people can finally get down to doing what they do best – printing tabloids.


  6. Growing up in the 80s, the TOI was well known for its impeccable grammar. My English teacher would urge us to read its editorial to improve one’s command over the language. The paper started to go down hill from the early 90s. I rarely read it now and the last time I browsed the website I caught this-
    TOI redefining architecture – Tendulkar is the pillar on which India raises its foundation.


  7. Atanu, You picked up the topic of ToI but for some reason gave up. Why do you pull your punches. If the paper has become the Voice of congress or Kaangress as some of the commentators would call it say so for it sickens one.


  8. Ready-to-eat is what today’s people (at least TOIs readers) want. Be it for the tummy or for the brain. And TOI has loads of such stuff. Give them the ancient manuscripts about Surya namaskar and they’ll not give it as much as a glance. Strip it of all the originality and garnish it with american lingo, you have readers reading it with awe & grabbing copies of TOI. Moronism – its mutual b/w TOI & its readers


  9. You cant hate the message because of the messenger.

    I know about the high esteem you place in “Sri Sri..” , That doesnt mean Surya Namaskar has to do be demeaned.


  10. Come on guys! don’t the writer of the article deserve some appreciation for his creativity! The story goes that one fine day the arts and entertainment editor stumbled upon a photograph and challenged few idle reporters to make something ‘interesting’ out of it. The end product thus came only a few minutes later.


  11. The decline of the Times of India to the Slimes of India began when the marketing people became important and their decisions guided content over the editorial staff. After all, when a paper is guided by marketing types over the editorial board you can be sure that it will decline because the whole purpose of marketing is to sell more papers by any possible means–in this case by degenerating majority content into porn….and gossip about Bollywood actors and other such nonentities…


  12. Hey Larissa, would you mind submitting only one comment instead of duplicates? You do that on all blogs where you comment. I don’t know if you click the “Submit” button twice, or are impatient and re-submit the same comment, but please, submit one comment only once – shouldn’t be that difficult to figure out a simple thing like this. Thanks.


  13. TOI just outdid itself. Dhoni’s newly wed wife Sakshi cooking for her husband is one of the top 3 new items on their site (Dated: Aug 1, 2010, 09.03am IST):


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