Diggy Singh is an RSS Mole

I am certain that Monty Python, the guys who can parody anything under the sun, would be totally incapable of parodying the recent ad by the Pakistani government. Onion News Network will find it impossible to ridicule the attempt at fixing Pakistan’s image. You cannot ridicule the ridiculous, parody a parody. Pakistan’s ad in the Wall Street Journal is a self-parody. One marvels at the people who came up with the idea. They must be the most humorless bunch of retards in the world. But first, here is the ad in question, for the record.

The ad was published in the Wall Street Journal on the 10th anniversary of Sept 11th, 2001 — the most spectacular attack by Islamic terrorism on the US.

The statistics are horrifying. Bomb blasts — 3,486 or approximately one a day for 10 years. Over 21 thousand civilian casualties. Billions of dollars worth of damages. The Religion of Peace working its magic in the Land of the Pure. That’s the only reasonable conclusion one can draw from looking around the world. Wherever the Religion of Peace is present, the results are not pretty. Anyway, here’s a video ad which, according to some, CNN refused to carry.

It reaches stratospheric heights of stupidity. It is as if sponsoring terrorism around the world was not enough; it had to be compounded with an insane claim that Pakistan is actually the guardian of 7 billion people of the world. What next? Will the Pakistani government publish an ad telling the world how it supports the US with military and humanitarian aid? Will there be an ad claiming that it liberated Bangladesh from India’s evil clutches? An ad perhaps talking of how humanely it treats it non-Muslim citizens?

Here’s my conspiracy theory. (I seemed to have misplaced my tin-foil hat.) Perhaps the ad was a parody intended to draw attention to the horrors that the world suffers at the hands of Islamic terrorism by pointing to its effects on the soil where it springs from. Perhaps it was inserted by a group intent on defaming (if that is possible) Pakistan and by extension the Religion of Peace. As Congress big-wig Mullah Digvijay Singh would say, “The RSS hand cannot be ruled out in this — or in any of the other terrorist attacks by the Religion of Peace.”

Well, whatever. Perhaps it was the RSS which paid for the ad. They are unclear about it in Pakistan. The WSJ tried to figure out the provenance of the ad and did not get far. “Who Was Behind Pakistan’s 9/11 WSJ Ad?”

Pakistan’s officialdom is proving reluctant to take responsibility for dreaming up a half-page advertisement taken out in The Wall Street Journal last weekend to coincide with the tenth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. . . One Pakistani government official said the idea for the ad came from the army’s public relations division . . . Brigadier Syed Azmat Ali, a spokesman for the division, denied the army was behind the idea and said it was the Ministry of Information and Broadcasting who came up with it. The Information Ministry did not respond to questions.

The government official said the army pushed the idea through the office of Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani, which then passed it on to the Information ministry.

Attempts to contact a spokesman for Mr. Gilani were not successful.

The official said a number of people in Pakistan’s government questioned the ad . . . The ad was created by Midas Pakistan Pvt. Ltd, an ad agency which has worked with the military before, the government official said. It was not possible to contact the company through phone numbers listed on its website. . . The Pakistan army also attempted to place the ad in the New York Times. A spokeswoman for the newspaper said the newspaper had asked for the ad to more clearly state that the government of Pakistan was paying for it.

The Times did not hear back from the ad agency that placed the ad and has not yet run it, the spokeswoman said. She declined to name the agency.

The Army says it must be the information ministry. Information ministry says not us, perhaps the PM’s office. PM’s office says no comment. Ad agency not responding and when asked by the NY Times to clarify who is paying for the ad, goes silent.

I think that forces inimical to Pakistan’s interests are at work here. The Paki government is malicious and murderous but it is not this stupid. I agree with Diggy Singh — the RSS hand cannot be ruled out. This is not so off the wall crazy as you may think. Many followers of the Religion of Peace insist that all those suicide bombings and flying of planes into tall buildings and other acts of terror are done by Jews and their evil cohorts (the Hindoos) just to give the Religion of Peace a bad name.

Then another thought struck me. Perhaps it was Diggy Singh who paid for the ad. Perhaps he is the one who wants Pakistan to appear ridiculous.

Wait, wait, let me finish. The conspiracy theory goes deeper. Diggy Singh is a mole that the RSS has planted in the Congress. He makes the Congress look ridiculous — which you have to admit must be a nearly impossible task since, as we noted before, it is hard to ridicule the utterly ridiculous.

Now it all starts to make sense to me. Diggy Singh is an RSS agent. He makes the most outlandish statements that are designed to outrage any sane person and turn him or her against the Congress. Painting on a wider canvass, Diggy Singh decides to paint Pakistan in greener colors to show the world that there is the source of world-wide terror. He sneakily pays for the ads in the WSJ and when he tries to put it in the NY Times, he fails.

A theory does not amount to a hill of beans unless you can come up with predictions. Falsifiability, as Karl Popper reminded us all, is the hallmark of a valid scientific theory. Since this is a scientific theory of mine, here is my prediction.

One of these days soon, you will see an ad in the WSJ and the NY Times. What will be message be? Using the format as the Pakistani ad it will say essentially this:

Since 1947
a party of Nehru and Gandhi
has been ruling
A country of 1.2 billion today
where
Poverty and Corruption is rampant
with
700 million below the poverty line
and
Corruption in the trillions of dollars
in Foreign Banks
In a land where 50 percent of its children below 5 are malnourished
Where
the every scheme for poverty
is named after Nehru and Gandhi (Indira, Rajiv, Sanjay. . .)
The CONGRESS PARTY
Which other party could have brought so much in terms of
PROGRESS?
Tens of trillions of dollars lost since 1947.
Sixty-four years and counting.

That’s about it. The game is up. Diggy Singh is an RSS mole.

PS: Don’t miss the next post, “Digvijay Singh, the Demented Demagogue“.

Author: Atanu Dey

Economist. View all posts by Atanu Dey